Ugh. So my big Paleo100 plan? Already an utter and complete total failure. Perhaps it was doomed to fail. A big giant plan like that? I'm disappointed in myself. I should not consider myself a failure though for eating clean 80% of the time. I'd like it cleaner, but this is what I'm working with. I'm working on not feeling food guilt, and when I do have treats to have them deliberately and enjoy them and not mindlessly eat them.
I have also failed in doing research every day (or even three times a week), and I've not even written in the little Swee'Pea's journal. And she said "dada" for the first time last Wednesday. And she did something else last week that I've forgotten already. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I have also not met any of my CrossFit Open goals. I was hoping that during 14.2 that I'd be able to get a kipping pull-up while trying to get the chest to bar. Not even close. I thought I'd make a much better showing in 14.3 having been really very good at deadlifts before I got pregnant. I did it twice. I did not come anywhere close to my goal either time. Instead, I just sort of cried because I'm not anywhere near where I was before I got pregnant, and I failed both times in trying to achieve a goal.
I feel like a lot of my life this past year and a half has been about what I have hoped to accomplished and have fallen short of. And I'm trying really hard to be okay with these things.
I'm trying very hard to reframe my thinking of things and consider what it means to fail. Does it simply mean I need to try harder, or reevaluate my goals, or both?
What I've learned about my failing to meet my research and Swee'Pea journal goals is that the things that I need to make a priority need to be the priority in my day. This is what I've come to learn. I'm much more likely to consistently CF (or exercise for that matter) in the morning than I am in the afternoon. I make it a priority, and I do it first. So what I need to do then is when I get up in the morning to read, what I need to read is the stuff for research. Since class prep *has* to get done, then that can get done later, but I need to get the research out of the way so I know that that's accomplished. And I need to take the time earlier in the day to write to the Swee'Pea or do that before reading at night. I need to reorganize based on priority and when I know I can accomplish certain things because it's way too easy to just go to bed at night or relax in the afternoon and put it off until tomorrow. Because here it is 10 tomorrows later, and I've still not even started.
So let's see how this plan works: research in the morning before CF. Class prep during office hours and at night. Swee'Pea's journal before bed. Clean eating.
I had been spending the weekends reading. I hate that. I'm ahead right now and want to stay that way so that I can read during the week and not have to read on the weekends so I can spend time with my family. I don't want Swee'Pea to see me as the parent who has to work every weekend.
Fortunately research and class prep intersect this week, so I'm off to research/prep right now.
We'll see how this week goes. To be sure, I will report back.
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