Post Whole30 needs another Whole30

So far my post-Whole30 has just been disastrous.

Ok. Maybe not quite *that* bad, but I seem to have sort of begun to undo everything I spent the last 30 days working toward.

My plan for six days of clean eating and one treat day has failed miserably. Even my Article30 and Swee'Pea Journal30 have failed already right out the gate.

So what does this tell me?

My mind, body, and heart and soul ain't right yet. It tells me I have much more work to do than the last time.

I feel like I have A LOT of work to do. And it's not just about my body. It's about my ability to deal with things and not turn to food when I'm stressed. I have clearly not slayed the sugar demon at all (did I get any sleep last night because of the king cake and wine Sunday night and the M&Ms and wine last night? That's a giant HELLS TO THE NO!). I mean, we're not even two weeks out of the Whole30 (2 weeks tomorrow), and I've undone, it feels like, all my hard work.

I remember the last time I did it--when I had sugar, it sent me in to a tailspin and I had lost a taste and a craving for chocolate. When I had gluten, my stomach swelled uncomfortably and I felt hungover. After eating gluten and chocolate, I don't have those feelings anymore, so I know that something did not fully click with my body this time. And I should have kept going. I knew I should have, and I didn't.

I know it sounds like I'm beating myself up, especially after my super positive post the last time. But I still feel like crap, and I'm still super stressed, and I have lots to do this coming quarter (all of which I'm already behind on--but I did enjoy my break at least). So I don't want this quarter to look like the last two. I need to get things together.

I'm going to map out a plan in my next post, but right now, here's the things that are bothering me:

1. It's true, I hate to say, but I still have some body issues regarding the baby weight. It's getting better. While I'm still struggling with this, and while I still want the baby weight to go away, I'm trying to frame my "body goals" for this next challenge with performance and improvement in my workouts. I have, over break, been able to find a renewed sense of enjoyment and healthy competition in my CF workouts, and why would I want to go to my workout feeling like crap because I binged on junk the night before? If I'm going to spend all of this time taking care of my body on the outside, why am I not doing the same thing for it on the inside? It feels to me, right now, like I'm deliberately setting myself up for failure, on both fronts.
2. I am very worried and very stressed about tenure and our finances. These are both recipes for emotional eating disaster. And I need to not eat and drink my stress away. If I'm hungover and feeling crappy then I probably won't work out which will make me feel even worse which also means that if I'm feeling like shit, I'm not going to be inclined to get work done, and I will overall make some bad choices. It sucks how much this revolves around food, but the truth is that it does. I clearly still have some issues.
3.  I hate being stressed out around the baby. I don't imagine that she'll never see me upset, but she doesn't need to see a person mindless eating M&Ms every night throwing back half a bottle of wine. I want to understand treats as "treats," not as escapisms. 

Like last time, I hope to improve performance at the box, get better sleep, even out the hormones, and slay the sugar dragon, and work on my stress. I have other goals for this as well, but when I map out my plan, those will be included.