I would call this week a success only in the sense that I made it through. Otherwise, I do feel like I've failed in so many ways.
I'll start with the positive: My eczema spots are getting better. My hair seems a little healthier despite how much bleaching and coloring it has gone through in the last eight weeks. I still look frumpy AF, but there's nothing I can do at this point but just leave it be and let it grow and nurse it back to health. Maybe my nails seem a little healthier, too. I've lost some belly bloat and some hip bloat. The hubs says that my face is looking less swollen and smaller. Also, I didn't gain weight on my period this week, so that's like remarkable in and of itself. My GERD is slightly better. Actually, in general it's a whole lot better (with the medication still) unless my pants are too tight. But at least coffee and food do not seem to aggravate it as badly as before as it seemed everything I ate gave me heartburn. I wish that I could say that I'm feeling better than I did last week, but I'm not, on the whole. But I think there might be several reasons for that (as I've mentioned in the previous two posts).
What went wrong:
There are lots of things that went wrong this week. Most of it though, I think, I hope, is related to poor sleep. I should have gotten the kid into the doctor sooner this week than yesterday. She has had me up all week. Since she has a high tolerance for pain and doesn't run a fever when she's sick (generally), I have to be more attuned to other cues--one of them is sleep habits. Three, four times a night she's up, probably from the pressure in her sinuses or ears. Anyway, kid has an ear infection, and her waking up several times a night means that I've not gotten a solid night's sleep in a week. I can go a day or two, but if I hit day three, then things start to fall apart for me. The positive here is that before the Whole30, and while I was on steroids, if she woke me up, I was up. There was no going back to sleep. At least now, I fall back asleep rather quickly almost all of the time.
Because of the lack of sleep, or poor quality sleep, I made it to two workouts this week. My body was not recovering. I was tired. I could hardly move. I saw the massage therapist on Friday, and my body is riddled with knots (mostly stress related) despite near daily mobility work. It was disappointing not to be able to work out this week as I do feel so much better when I do and the mornings go so much better (especially when the kid is fussy and not feeling well--I can handle it better). And I'm not going to lie, I am anticipating a rough day today. The kid didn't get a lot of sleep. I didn't sleep well. The hubs is gone for drill all day. It's going to be a challenge.
The lack of sleep and activity more so than anything else I think deeply affected my stress levels and ability to cope with this week's stress. I have also found myself, after two weeks, in a severe carb deficiency that is affecting me negatively and which I'm working to adjust.
What surprised me:
Honestly, how bad I felt this week! Usually week 2 the good days outnumber the bad at this point, and usually once I make it past the week marker, I don't have those feelings of wanting to give up, but damn, every.single.day was a freaking struggle this week. Every day I battled with "well, who's going to know? The others won't know if I cheat unless I tell them. Just have a sandwich, feel better, and sally forth." Obvi, I would have eventually confessed. And the hubs did not let me cheat. But I never thought I'd hear myself say, "I cannot eat any more meat. I cannot do it." I mean, even when I was a vegan, I'd look at a cut of steak like it was a long lost unrequited lover with whom I could never get the timing right. But alas, it happened. I was meated out this week. But the pervasive desire to just give up this week surprised me. And I was better prepared with meals, too.
How much I miss wine! Boy, do I miss wine. I wanted wine so bad last night.
What needs to be fixed:
Obvi, the carb issue. As I blogged yesterday, I went back to my macro sheet and decided to Whole30 it macro style (I can't really call it flexible eating because I'm staying Whole30 compliant). It's going to involve some adjustment and some additional planning, but that's the plan for this week to see if that helps. Of course, it's not strictly scientific because will it be week 3 that makes the difference or the macro counting. Although if the point of the Whole30 is to start to become "fat adapted" then I'm probably fxcking this up in one sense, but on the other hand, it increases my fruits and veggies, so that can't be bad, right? More nutrients. More vitamins. I'm going to keep trying.
Goals for this week:
- I hope to get more sleep. Hopefully the antibiotics will help the kid sleep through the night better and that means that I will get better sleep.
- Make it to CF at least four times this week.
- Log food. Make more of an effort to get better balanced meals this week!
What I am thankful for:
As craptastic as this week was, and as I didn't feel like doing anything at all, I'm glad for the Whole30 because that means that as much as I wanted to, I didn't resort to pizza, ice cream, chocolate, and wine all week to make me feel better or feed my laziness. So that's good. I'll take that as a win. It would have been so easy to cave, but I didn't.
I think the pluses outweigh the minuses so far. I'm hoping for a better week. I think it will be. I can do this.
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