My training and eating had gone really really well in the beginning of the summer, and then the summer job started, and kaput. I missed a lot of training and my food choices weren't the greatest. I'm thankful for this summer job. It's the most money I've ever made as an academic over the summer, and the first summer since, oh, I don't know, undergrad, that I've not been stressed out about summer finances. (which reminds me, I need to pay bills today, oh, and order checks. Order checks, I know, right?).
I have gained about 13 pounds, as of this morning, this summer. Yikes. That's not cool at all. I've come a long way with my body image issues, but lately, not so much. I do not like the way I look. I also do not like the way I feel, and a lot of that is food related.
One thing that I've learned through the multiple Whole30s that I've done is while I don't have any actual food allergies (except lactose intolerance) or real sensitivities per se, I do notice how certain foods affect me not only physically (I mean, yeah, most people really do feel bloated and gross after pizza or cake, as do I), but also emotionally/mentally. What I've noticed about the accumulation of gluten in my system is how depressed I get. I cut out gluten, and I am not depressed. I handle stress better. I don't break down into tears as often. And I find that PMS is almost non-existent. So maybe, in actuality, that is a sensitivity. It affects my work, my training, my overall well-being.
So why do I struggle with this? Why don't I just cut it out?
Because I'm human. Because it takes me a while to get things. Because sometimes I just punish myself.
Today is a day full of change--Boudreaux leaves for Germany for three weeks; Magpie starts daycare today. I had thought about recommitting to the training and Whole30 today, but I will give myself today. But it won't be an "eat whatever I want for tomorrow we Whole30" day--I had chips and salsa with lunch and some refried beans, spanish rice, and a small amount of cheese. But I wanted fajitas for lunch and made the decision to enjoy all of it. I'm at a point where I'm frustrated with myself and my training, so today is a "half day" of Whole30 eating.
As we head into fall and into back to school, I need to get myself squared away on all fronts. I need to get the gluten out of my system so I'm not depressed so I can get work done rather than mope. I need to get rid of the 13 pounds that I managed to gain (that was totally unexpected, for realz), and get back to feeling good about myself. When I feel good, that's when I'm productive. And that's really what I need to be. Productivity reduces my stress level which means I'm more present with the Magpie and less stressed around her.
So that's it for now. We'll see how this goes. I also really want to start adding some yoga, too. I think that would really really help me a lot. I'll try that Monday.
That's it for today. Have a great one!
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