Day 1

I ate so much for lunch yesterday. It was not properly planned out either because I didn't get my lunches made on Sunday when I got home from my grandmother's. So it was basically two cups of ground meat (that I didn't drain! That's what made me sick!), two single servings of wholly guacamole, some compliant salsa, and some shredded lettuce. I was still hungry because of the lack of carbs, and had some of my sweet potato breakfast and some blueberries. Then I chugged pepto all the rest of the day and night. I was also expecting to just sleep like a baby last night. I fell asleep pretty early, but I woke up at midnight (but I think I went back to sleep pretty quickly), and then the kid got me up at 3:40, and then up again at 4:20 to go work out.

I will say this at least though--despite being woken up twice, I did get back to sleep pretty quickly. That's a significant improvement already, so I'll take it.

I was expecting to be slow this morning, but I wasn't expecting the barbells and kettlebells to feel so damn heavy. I felt like I had become a 90 pound weakling overnight. But I know a dip in strength is to be expected. I'm tired and stiff, but it at least today seems to be a little bit more manageable than what last week felt like.

Not going to lie though--yesterday, by about 4 pm, I did feel like throwing in the towel. I kept saying, "I really just want to start this tomorrow. I can start over tomorrow. I don't feel like finishing up the dinner; what am I going to do without my Reese's buttercups? How can I cook without wine? No, no. I want one more day." And had I not had the group going, were I not doing this with other kick ass women, I would had thrown in the towel probably and tried again today. I'm glad that I didn't though. I'm glad that I made it through day 1. I know that I'm going to feel a lot shittier before I start to feel better. My reflux seems to be a bit better this morning. I'm not expecting for a miracle overnight or by the end of the week even. Actually, I'm fully expecting to feel crappy and sluggish for at least three weeks, maybe even four, and I expect some ebb and flow, too, with how things are going for the next three to four weeks. What I will try to focus on to stay motivated are the little things--going back to sleep better, not feeling like I'm going to faint from the reflux (apparently my reflux doesn't burn--it triggers my asthma and it makes me nauseous and lightheaded which is why I didn't know it was GERD), perhaps feeling tired rather than exhausted, which would be a step up. So I will keep tabs on that.

today though, at least, I have a much better lunch planned and ready to go, and I'm getting my hair done, fixed, something that will hopefully be an improvement, so there's that at least, yeah?